Cancer sucks

Monday I had surgery at the Dermatologist's office again. I had a bump develop over a couple months and had him check it. He knew it was cancer. It was biopsied and came back as possible melanoma so under the knife I went.

We went in and I was already a little upset at the thought of a couple stitches and a small scar right there just below my collarbone. BLINDSIDE! He shows me with his fingers that they will be removing a rectangle of skin 2 inches wide and an inch tall. Instantly the tears hit me....have I mentioned or does anyone know me cause, I don't cry...like ever.... anyways all I could think is that I wanted to leave, not have the surgery. But of course I didn't leave or even mention it. Just cried. Apparently the bump is like the tip of an iceberg and it's spread under my skin, the Doc said "It's bigger then you think."

During the surgery all I could think of his was "seriously, again...already. how often am I going to be getting sliced and diced. will this take my life? I am so young. I am a mom."

The stitching up part wasn't so bad because I knew his PAC was awesome with stitches, my last scar you can't even see.

Matt was there holding my hand. Stayed as long as he could before he HAD to go back to work, thank you baby.

I left shaking and holding my ribs hoping I didn't fall apart right there in the office. The ladies asked if I should drive or if I wanted a coke. "No I am fine."

It feels super tight and I walk around hunched. Shoulders to my ears, I have to make myself relax.

I know it gets worse. That so far I am ... lucky?... people have worse cancer situations... I guess I am just scared.



On a fun note this is my 101 post!